I called my mom

collin fitzgerld, grieving grandma, loss of child, loss of grand child, weathered raindrop -

I called my mom

She was the first one I called after my husband proposed, after I went into labor and after calling 911, when our son was dying.  My mom.  Her calm voice had been the foundation in so many moments and that day she didn't fail to deliver the comfort I so deeply needed.  She had no real idea that my call that Collin, her first grandchild wasn't just hurt, but "really hurt bad" would turn our lives upside down and force our family to see each other at our very worst moments for a very long time.  As much as I needed my parents that day, I deeply regret they had to see him the way they did.  No one will ever know the guilt I hold for making those few select phone calls to be with us.  I'm haunted often by the images myself and I cannot imagine the thoughts could be any different for them.