Are you going through it, or growing through it...

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Are you going through it, or growing through it...

Is this life still painful for us? You bet it is, there are still days I shake my fist in the air and yell out at God for making me go through this. I have hated this journey and at the same time so many blessings have come from it. I have lost good friendships because the loss has taken such tolls. I do not blame them, for my grieving has not always been graceful. There are days I have to pray my eyes can see the good intentions in others, when my heart is hurt by their actions or words. You see, this type of grief is terribly complicated. I know the hurt feelings felt from friends and especially family members as they try to journey with the parents. Resentment, bitterness, and anger is all too common after a loss of this magnitude. I encourage those supporting parents after loss to except that there will be days that we are not kind, that we may seem very angry at you for your well meant gestures. I know this can be not only confusing, but heartbreaking. Please understand, our hearts are screaming out, demanding to care for a child that it KNOWS existed. Our minds are confused, in a state of constant panic. Trying to calm the heart, trying to find an explanation that will calm the millions of hysterical cells in our body that are insistant in knowing the plan, for survival into the next minute. Why are you being punished for wanting to help? Because those closest to the bomb are hurt the most. I commend your bravery in supporting parents of child loss and I thank you, for having the stamina to continue on this journey with them. When they need you the very most, is when it feels, like they don't want you at all.
I don't know why I was picked for this life but I know my children are in Heaven, I deeply embrace the ones still here and look forward to all being together again when He calls us Home. I hope my items bring your heart the comfort they have given me.